Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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