It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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