On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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