your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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