Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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