Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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