I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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