a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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