actually, I'm a sock model
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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