Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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