I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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