Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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