Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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