That's when you crack a 10am beer
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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