just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize