We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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