i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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