I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
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Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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