I just pynch a tree in the face
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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