It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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