No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize