Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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