doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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