I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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