Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize