Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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