Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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