If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize