i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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