ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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