tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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