I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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