So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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