Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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