Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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