dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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