Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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