I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize