I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize