party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize