onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize