Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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