OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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