Buhtt sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize