he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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