i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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