It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize