Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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