Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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