Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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